I'm 12...

I've been really busy growing, so haven't been on the Net in a while. Did you know that I was 12 weeks old yesterday. No one sends me any fan mail or anything, so I'm not sure if anyone cares. I thought I was loved, but my Aunt, she ditched me and didn't come for a visit on my 12 week birthday. K has been voted off the island. But like all good reality TV, I'm sure she'll re-appear in a later episode.

I digress. Yesterday, I got a new woman in my life - Deidre Gesualdi. She's my new favorite little lady and she's my new Doc. She was great, gave me a chew toy (Dad says it's an Ace bandage...but what does he know). And....most important, she has a big boy who's just like me - BLUE. He's six and 135 pounds. I'm only 12 weeks and I'm 31 and 2 ounces. I think I may get to meet him in the future. I'll get Deidre to bring him in for my next visit! She gave me some more shots, and now Dad says I'm ready to take the world. Can you image that... me and my new bro - we could really crash some parties. Puppy and PJ, too. Can you have too much of a good thing? NO!

If any of you want to know what I do most of the day, its sleep. Dad snapped the above picture right after I had eaten and dozed off. I didn't capture my baby blues and is kind of grainy. I think he needs to have some photography lessons.

I now have advanced the state of canine aquatics. While the picture to the left looks like me just laying around...it is an action shot. I'm doing the doggy stroke - a modified breast stroke. Dad and Uncle Larry were putting down wood on the floor. Lots of hammering and cutting. Don't know where Uncle James and Sunny were. I wonder if James is being unfaithful to me and hanging with Sunny. That swine, I bet Kim is with Sunny as well.... Oooohhhh, when I see Sunny next, I'll show him not to steal my minions.

While Dad and Uncle Larry were slacking off, I was practicing my swimming. It was quite tiring. Oh, Lourdes says she's in love with me, not sure how Larry feels about that. I don't think he knows. If he does, I hope he doesn't get jealous.

I'm all pooped out. Haven't had to paw the keyboard in a few weeks and this is about as tiring as swimming the breast stroke. I think I'll go rest up for my big day later..

What a weekend!

When the going gets tough, I get left behind. At least, I'm thinking that. So Friday night, I'm waiting for Dad to get home. 5 hours of National Public Radio is enough to drive a mutt to start drinking (I'll get to that). Well, Dad decides he's going to go party or something because he doesn't come home until after dark! What the F is up with that? Dad is normally orderly - he'll drop his keys, wallet, phones, mail, etc. Change into shorts and them let me out. Well, today, he was all apologetic and let me out immediately. Good thing, because I was ready to burst. I peed like 2 gallons! Dad kept waiting for me to do my other business. Well, it had well and truly stopped up. I couldn't go. So we went back in.... to dinner..... I HAD TO GO, as soon as I got done. Dad was surprised and let me out. I dropped my load on the edge of the patio! It was a supersized pile - McDooDoo if you will. Dad said that I'd get a "bye"..... not sure what he meant. But he didn't spank me, so I'm happy. But you should have seen Dad try to scrape up my poo with the shovel, I was laughing pretty hard. Good thing it was dark, Dad would have gotten mad.

Anyway, yesterday Dad and I went for a ride in his car. First time I've ever been in it. Seems ok. I can see out the windows better than the truck, but if you ask me, the truck has better cooling. Dad didn't like me licking and biting the car so he covered just about everything with blankets and towels. If he'd brought me a chew toy, I wouldn't have chewed on anything else. Sometimes, he's such a forgetful goof. I was surprised when we got to Uncle James place. Uncle and Aunt weren't there. But my boyz - Puppy and PJ were. We got into some trouble before Uncle James got back. He looked like a dead shrimp - all red. So pretty late, I think anyways, Kim came home and I got to meet some more family - shouts out to my new Kinfolk! Anyway, I got to sleep in bed last night.... Dad didn't let me, but Uncle James and Aunt Kim did. I like that more than my crate. I may sue for Doggy bed rights, I'm sure there is a lawyer who'd take my case - Pro Bones, I think is what they say on TV.

So this morning, Uncle and Dad took PJ on the far bank of the Atlantic. It was insanely wide. We crossed quite and myself to the ocean. I could see the French poodles a bit and you can see me standing atop the Rock of Gibraltar.









Dad and I took a rest here. He's a land lover, don't let him fool you. He didn't even get wet. I don't think he knows how to swim. They make kiddy floats for losers like him to learn with. Me, I'm a natural.











Anyway, Uncle James and PJ almost got over their heads in water. Good thing Uncle had PJ to save him, otherwise, he might have gotten washed away. PJ is my hero. I think he should have gotten some kind of award for saving Uncle James. You should have seen PJ splashing so hard trying to keep Uncle afloat, while Uncle was holding PJ's collar, dragging him down. PJ - he's just a STUD.





So, anyway, after all that, we go back to the house. Aunt Kim professes her love for me once again. And lets us four (her three kids and a little Dane, as Kim calls us) of her house slack off (there is a photo, but a certain individual who will remain anonymous is topless and this is a PG rated site). Well, we did pose for this photoshoot, my favorite pose..... Shadow at rest.








Oh, I almost forgot.... driving me to drink. So on Saturday afternoon, Dad is pulling stuff out of the cold box to eat. He pulls out Aunt Kim's bottle out and leaves it on the floor. I think we both forgot it. Well, later, I got curious and knocked the bottle over. I try to clean it up. It didn't taste too bad. Luckily, I get most of it up before Dad comes around the corner. He says that it's good for my drunken dog fighting style and then pours the rest of the red stuff into the sink. I'm not sure if Uncle James and Aunt Kim noticed me being out of sorts...I think it was late, so they probably didn't. After all, Aunt Kim would have scolded Dad for allowing an under-aged pup like myself to get into trouble like that.

She Lives!

Yesterday was soooooo great. From the boneyard in the sky, Aunt Kim came back! Uncle James came back too. Its all so nice. I'm still filled with hope and joy.

I've got to keep this brief, Dad says I spend too much time dawdling. So yesterday, I got to go swimming twice, once with just Dad. The second time, Aunt and Uncle were there. I was nice and cool in the water and I got a few treats. Heck, Kim was so happy she carried me while I was all wet! Any woman who loves a wet and stinky dog is a keeper (do you hear me Uncle!). I got a bath and my ears cleaned. Then I was basically pooped out. Maybe I'll post some more later today. I'm going back to sleep..

Pictures say a thousand words?

Dad says they do, so I'm putting up a few pictures of my having fun. Not much new to say... oh, I forgot, I weighed 19 pounds 7 ounces when my Doc weighed me. So, I've put on six pounds since I left Mom. She'd be proud. I wonder where all my brothers and sisters went? I hope their doing ok.

So Dad tried playing ball with me the other day. I think this is a little too big for me (at least for now). What do you think? Of course, if a few months, I'll need one of those black and white balls the Mexicans were playing with. When I grow up, I'm going to play Rugby - I'll be able to run down and tackle all those losers.







Check me out relaxing in my chair. Dad says my tilted head says "huh, I don't understand you!"

I wonder why he's such a block head. I am actually saying "Alright, you putz, I'm sitting in the chair, why don't you gimme the darned treat already?"






But you know, my biggest weapons right now are my baby blues. When I give anyone this look, they turn to putty in my paws. They are the kryptonite to the strongest wills, I bet I could have even gotten a T-bone from Aunt Kim if she were still around. I miss her soooo much. I hope Uncle James will probably be visiting soon, he hasn't been around in a while. What could have happened to them both?

Maybe I should ask the K9 next time I see him, he could ask around. Maybe put their pictures on the side of a milk carton?

Anyway, I may go for another visit to Mexico in a little bit. Dad says there's another game going on.

My Vet: Dr Amy Poole

So today was my date with my Vet. Dad gave me the wrong name... my doc is Amy. While I was waiting, I saw this woman from the park the other day. She thought I was a whiner rider dog, or something like that. Dad had to correct her that I'm the Greatest Dane known - well, next to my hero - Gus Hansen. Amy seems pretty nice and she sure likes to pet me (actually, everyone does). The only thing I didn't like was that she'd hold my snout closed when I tried biting her. In fact, I could hear her conspiring with Dad about ways to curb my mischievous ways. Treason is in the air in my kingdom. I will not stand for it. In fact, as soon as I leave here, I may have to show Dad who is really boss - maybe I'll mark my territory.

Anyway, Amy seems really nice. She has a lab who is 10 months old and likes to chew things up. Maybe I'll get to meet him. In a few months, I'll be able to take that 60 pound runt! But anyway, Doc Amy had Dad hold me down and she jabbed me. It didn't hurt too much, but I'm may get sleepy, so she told Dad to keep an eye on me of other side effects. I feel pretty good, getting ready to doze off, actually. Oh, this little hot dog mutt started barking at me as we were leaving, I almost broke out my kung-fu on him. Dad's been teaching me the ways of the drunken dog. Seems I'm a natural. But the key to the martial arts is control, don't let others interfere with your Zen.

Off to my crate....

My way or the highway

Its be a couple of ruff days since I last visited my online friends. I have been subjected to many strange and uncomfortable things. I got a bath the other day because Dad said I was starting to drive the neighbors away. I didn't like it at all. I was all wet and cold and shivering. I got towel dried and got a few treats, so it wasn't that bad. But I don't want to be clean any more! "Dirty as I want to be" is my motto.

I don't like it when water pours from the sky either. I get cold and wet and Dad won't follow me out to do my business. But the other day, was full of water and loud noises. I went to a place where lots of car, people, and bikes run around together. I definitely don't like bikes, they move to fast for me to look at them and smell. Then there was the flash-bang grenades going off, just like I saw on Dallas SWAT with Dad. Someone really bad must have been close by. The water and the grenades...made a miserable day. The worse part was at night, lots of colorful lights and loud noises. I really don't like them and Dad's legs aren't big enough to really hide behind. I didn't let Dad know, but I peed on his flip flops the first time the big bang happened. I don't think he knew since his feet were already wet. Don't tell him.

Hard to believe that Dad likes those lights and noises, but we didn't stay very long and we went home after only a couple of minutes. Quality time with my rawhide bone, that is what I'm talking about.

Anyway, I'm almost 9 weeks old and I'm supposed to go visit Dr Anne. She's going to give me good stuff so I'm able to hang around with more friends. That will be great. I hope Dad will let me have a party soon, he promised.

UPDATE: Pooped Out

So after this morning, Dad decided I was getting a little bit of a belly and we were going to do some PT. I think everyone knows that I'm game for just about anything......

Anyway, Dad lasso'd me and we started across the yard. Being that it was so nice a day, it seemed like a nice day for a walk. Anyway, we walked and we walked... Dad kept saying something about a park. All I could see was miles of grass and tar! Of course, I'm pretty short, so I can't see very far. Anyway, we finally made it to the park. It was nice and shady. So we hiked along for a while and finally came to a big RIVER. It was really wide and looked pretty deep to me. Dad tried to get me to go into the river, but I would have any part of it. Who cares that I might get washed away in a flash flood, but my coat - it was just cleaned! So, I decided I'd try to use the big boulders to cross.

It looked just a little to far for me to jump to the next boulder. But you know what, a few minutes later a father and daughter came up with their dog (a yellow lab). He was splashing about and chasing sticks. They said I was the cutest! They tried to help get me to go into the water having their dog jump in. Well, it didn't work, but when Dad waded in and just stood there, I knew that stubborn headed man wasn't going to let me go anywhere else. So, I put my toes in the water, then my paws, finally, all four were in. Wow, it wasn't so deep or dangerous. Actually kinda of nice. If only my Dad was a better photographer, these pictures would be more clear, but I guess I do move really quick, so maybe the blur is because of me.

We walked all the way across the country and finally must have made it to Mexico because all the persons were speaking Spanish. They were kicking the round black and white object. If Dad hadn't jerked my leash, I would have shown them how to play the game. Anyway, seeing as how it was after 11:15, it was time for a lunch and a siesta (being that we were in Mexico). So, we started the long trek back. Now I realize that the river we crossed was the Nacho Bell Grande that everyone talks about running for the border, or something. All that TV and radio I watch is helping me out. Who says this generation of Dogs is dumber than our forefathers!

Anyway, so I am pooped out. Finally got home. After lunch, I ran straight back to my crate. First time EVER, Dad drags me out of the crate and out the front door. He's wielding these metal pinchers and holds me down. Then I feel a little bit of pain and whimper. All done, a pat on the head, and I see Dad squish this little bug that was attached to me - BAD TICK. So finally, I get to go back and crash, whew. Slept like a log.

Spreading the Love

Two days ago.... I know that everyone knows that I'm the king of the world and I reign with a benevolent paw. But every once in a while, a King must have his laughs. So on Friday, Dad left me to my own devices locked in my crate - while I was asleep. The bastard can't even leave while I'm awake, has to slither out the back like the French poodles do. Anyway, at least I had my toys. So, when Dad gets home a little after noon, I'm really hungry. I'm not one to make idle praise, but he smelled really good, eau de Chicken - good enough to eat, at least his paws sure tasted good when I was nibbling on them. Anyway, he fed me while slurping from this drink from a cup he brought back. Later Uncle James came by. I was wondering where Aunt Kim was???? We rode a really long way in the pimped out doggie wagon. I was really tired and Dad and Uncle couldn't stop bothering me while I tried to sleep. We picked up this really shiny bicycle and went home - I could have slept for 3 hours, but.... my big Ogre of an uncle had to whistle, pet, tug, and carry me every few minutes (see me). On the ride home, I was thinking Aunt Kim went to the big kennel in the sky, I kept hearing her voice, but she wasn't around, I was soooo sad. That night I put my paws together and prayed that Kim was in a better place.

Yesterday... was a really long day. I had to roust Dad. Mom told me a fairy tale before I left home once, that the birds used to shout in the morning to wake everyone up. Well, Uncle James taught me how to do that... he'd say "speak" and I'd bark and I'd get petted and belly rubs. Well, yesterday morning, at about 4am, I decided to announce to the world, "Wake up, my peons. Come serve your King!" like the fabled birds of yore. It was so fun, Dad looked really grumpy. After we went out for my morning activities, he tied the boat anchor to my neck again. I decided to humor him and only resist a few times as we walked around. I have to let him think he's getting his way - at least that is what Jerry Springer said on TV the other day then "hit him where it counts." Anyway, Dad gave me a few treats so it was all pretty good.

Later, Dad stuffed me in a way to small box and we started on a road trip. It was a really long drive and I whined a few times that I could walk faster than this, but Dad didn't seem to understand what I was saying. Anyway, we finally made it to Uncle James place. Aunt Kim must really be gone, she wasn't around and her scent is fading. I'm so sad. Being at Uncle James' is really fun, I get to be bad as I want to be. I can bite my two brothers, I get to show Uncle who's the boss, and I get free roam of the house - Dad likes to keep me crated - says its for my own good or something like that. Uncle and Dad are working together in the kitchen on something. I wonder if that is what Jerry meant by putting one in the oven. Too bad Puppy and PJ won't let me in on that secret. When they finally took a break after feeding us, we got in the Pimp-mobile and went shopping. I got to ride in luxury and AC the entire time. Dad and James put lots of stuff in the trunk and then they got lunch. Honestly, not sure why they stopped and talked to these young women on the side of the road. She and her two friends seemed nice enough although they were not dressed like normal folks, but they didn't pay notice to me. What is up with that?! Don't they know who I am? I saw some money change hands and Dad made a comment I couldn't hear. My curiosity about those bitches was short lived. Wouldn't you know it, I now know what eau de Chicken really is. It comes from these bags and boxes which say "Eat more Chikin" - whatever that means. But Dad and Uncle James wouldn't share - those bastards! Not even one morsel. After they gorged, we went to the Doggie palace. There were so many of my brethren and I could smell the food and hear my loyal subjects barking with glee at my arrival. Life was good. So many folks wanted to pet me. Remind me never to go bungee jumping without making sure the bungee cord is attached. It really hurts when you hit the ground. Luckily, I'm A-OK and I got lots more attention! And I met this bitch too, she was kind of cute, but I don't think she was too interested since I just took a leak on the floor. Well, I told her I'd bark at her later.

Yesterday was really fun. I got to play with my brothers, saw Dad and James put one in the oven, and I got to do my business when I felt like it (seven times in the house at Uncles place! sweet - Dad would have really gotten angry at me).

Today is a new day. New things to do, worlds to conquer.